• Sridhar Rajendran

Day 14- On the road to recovery

Updated: Aug 23, 2018

One step at time, one day at a time

Image credit: Pexels

When you hit rock-bottom, the only way is up. After spiralling down a health crisis, my self-confidence went on a vacation. Surprisingly my will to survive still stuck around. It has been one my constant companion since childhood — rain or shine. I am infinitely thankful to have a wonderful loving family who took care of me and nurtured me back to health. Sure we do fight over the silliest of stuff, but hey we make up; that’s what counts.

Once I could sit for a few minutes at a stretch without any pain, I started to slowly work on improving my lower body strength. If it was bad earlier, it became worse by being largely immobile. I walked a few steps every couple of minutes and gradually increased my exercises every few days. There was the occasional bad day which would piss me off and I would end up taking out my anger on people nearby. As they say, this too shall pass.

In case you forgot, I had put down my papers earlier and was on notice period. I was in no position to work. My manager was a kind soul and he waived off my notice period due to health reasons. He asked me to come and return the official holdings after two months.

On the day I went back to the office all formalities were completed on my behalf by my manager and team. I spent a few hours saying goodbye and thanking people for keeping me company for the past 3 years. After two months of being coddled by my family, this was my first outing on my own. I was exhausted in a day. I was still in no position to take care of myself. So I picked up my stuff and went back home.

It took me another 2 months to recover my strength and self-confidence. I started taking care of myself at home and helping around with chores (under adult supervision). It was time to put the iPad away and sit in front of the laptop again. I tried to study or work but I just couldn’t focus. When you are used to living independently for 7 years and in one fell swoop you need help moving from the bedroom to the bathroom; that takes time to recover from.

A strong mind can carry a weak body but a weak mind cannot carry a strong body.

I have been meditating for a couple of years but it was during this period of crisis, my practise strengthened and my silence solidified. When faced with a problem you have two choices

  • look outward and expend your energy on drugs or alcohol.

  • look inward and ponder — who am I?

I prefer the latter.